Early the next morning as you gaze from your verandah to the ocean, a shimmering humming bird hovers inches before you. You smile, seeing it as your new reflection—light, beautiful, trusting.
A sweet, clear melody wafts your way. "Since when do humming birds sing?!" you wonder . . . until you notice a woman, dressed in white, sitting at a distance on another 'tree house' verandah. She is playing a large wooden flute. The sound draws you out and down the pathway in her direction.
Closer up, you recognize her as Elspeth, who will be guiding the Kundalini Yoga and other activities for the retreat. Her eyes are closed, so she doesn't notice you . . . but you feel 'seen' anyway, as something about the sound of the flute touches a deep part of you . . . a part that hasn't yet awakened for the morning . . . in fact, it hasn't awakened in years . . . if ever?
A tingle runs through your body and you know that this is truly the beginning.
With another day to yourself before other participants arrive, you take time to explore Castara.
You start early that morning on the beach, watching the fishermen pull seine amidst clouds of hungry laughing guils. Along with other bystanders, you begin to help the men, laughing as your hands grip the wet, sea-scented net of jumping fish.
You've never pulled seine before . . . you've never been to Castara before . . . you've never invested in yourself and attended a yoga retreat before . . .
All of these "first time" experiences and you only just got here! Already your life is becoming the new beginning you've been dreaming of . . .
You fall in love instantly upon entering the "luxury tree house" (as you like to call them) in which you will be staying for the 7 nights of the retreat. You have opted for solo accommodation, even though you know the shared options are more affordable and still offer privacy.
Perhaps you would have shared a 'luxury tree house' if one of your friends had wanted to come with you, but . . . cool early mornings, twice daily yoga, three vegan meals a day (a tough one for your die hard meat eating pals), lots of options for outdoor recreation and relaxing . . . those things don't appeal to many of your friends.
"Hmmm . . . Wow. Time to meet some more like minded people," you think as you flop onto the large bed which gazes onto the ocean through the open verandah.
The crisp, cool white sheets kiss your skin. The welcoming support of the mattress invites your body to release its tension. You sink in . . . you begin to drift . . .and, for the first time in a long time, you allow yourself to let go of the story—that someone, something outside of you needs you more than you need yourself and your own peace of mind & body right now . . .
You have packed light for this retreat—swimsuit, cool white cotton clothes for Kundalini Yoga, a few tops, shorts, a sundress, underwear, toiletries, a book.
Despite the lightness of your bag, the friendly man ("Porridge") who greets you upon arrival at Castara Retreats offers to help you to your cottage . . . or your 'tree house', as you prefer to label it. What else would you call these rusticly luxurious wooden hillside structures, nestled amidst thick, verdant trees, with wide open verandahs gazing over the ocean and huge windows framing pictures of fishermen's boats, soaring birds and clouds that gently morph into new shapes . . . in the same way that you anticipate you will transform within the promise of these seven sacred days.
Maybe everyone is down at the beach or trekking to the waterfall . . . but no one else seems to be there yet—except for the humming birds. You observe them with a smile, aware of the message they bring in the world of animal totems/symbology: "The sweetest nectar is within."
As you approach the place where you have chosen to spend seven precious days of your life, you take a deep breath. It's not what you thought it would have been from the photos . . . in fact, it's more. A wave of relief runs through you and something falls away . . . quite like a large chunk of sand collapses unexpectedly from a beach embankment when the sea rushes in to claim it.
Of course. Letting go makes sense. You're here, finally . . . in a new place, about to meet new people, have new experiences and—according to the retreat brochure–connect with a Power that will move you forward in exactly the way you need, so that you come away with a 'renewed and radiant sense of self.' There's no need to hold on to anything you've left behind.
At the very least, you can already tell you will leave as a different person. You can feel it . . . in the way your lungs seem to have expanded to receive as much as they can of the fresh country air . . . the way your shoes automatically slip from your feet as you step from the taxi . . . the way your bare soles connect with the warm earth and feel like they belong . . .
Make a cup of tea, sit back and take in this interview. In it, I play my Native American Love Flute and answer questions (posed by friend and raw food coach, Gabriela Lerner) about the upcoming Kundalini Yoga & Raw Food Retreat:
"Banquet of Blessings", in Dorset, UK, 11-13 May 2018.
Everything will shift when we raise our vibrations and consistently keep them up. If we each consciously worked at achieving this and each encouraged/taught/supported at least one other person in doing the same, we will transform our society—and by extension, the world. We do not need to get frustrated and angry or struggle to get anything external to change. The true change is within—as we surrender and commit to the process of uplifting self and others in an ongoing journey.
Please keep 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. on Thursday 7th October 2010 open. There will be a special gathering to celebrate my birthday and more. All are invited, wherever you are in the world.
The 7th October 2010, night of a Super New Moon, is a powerful night to be present in yourself, as you are, where you are.
As it is a public holiday we were able to meet early for our Friday yoga—i.e. as early as in 4:30 a.m. So, it was not a "class", but sadhana.
We had a fantastic sadhana on Shiv's poolside terrace (which looks like it is our new venue, at least for now). When we began, the stars and a huge bright moon were up. Venus was glowing. By the time we were done, the sky was lighter, but the sun was not yet up enough for the day to be hot. We had come to the end of our chanting, but the birds continued on our behalf.
At the end of it all, I gave everyone a bottle filled with yogi tea from the batch I had made yesterday. The labels I made for the bottles each said SAT NAM.
When I dropped Patrice home after, she had something for me upstairs, so I went up to get it. We decided to have our yogi tea and share some with her boyfriend, who was just rising. As she poured the tea from one of the bottles into the pot to heat it up, a drop of tea fell onto the counter ... in the shape of a heart ... and just under the heart was a snakelike drop of tea, quite like Kundalini rising. (Unfortunately I didn't have my camera but Patrice took one or two shots with hers).
As we watched the tea bubble in the pot, the little masses of white bubbles kept breaking up leaving heart-shaped spaces of tea. Amazing confirmation that we had started the day on the perfect note.
Yesterday morning just before I woke for sadhana (3:30 a.m.), I dreamed I was in a large hall at night/early morning (it was dark) with many people whom I didn't know. I began chanting Kundalini Yoga mantras with my guitar. At first I was singing alone, then suddenly the voices of hundreds of women began chanting along with me. I couldn't see them, but I heard and felt them. With each round of the mantra, we got louder and stronger. It sounded and felt fantastic. I could feel my insides expanding with happiness.
This morning once again before I woke for sadhana, I was playing my guitar in the dream and chanting Wah Yantee. Once again, these women's voices joined me. The more rounds we sang, the louder and happier we got, until we were laughing and chanting at the same time.
It feels as though a real group of people and I are connecting before I wake up to do sadhana. Wherever they are in the world, they are doing their sadhana. So even though I am doing mine physically alone, I am not alone. It is a fantastic feeling.
Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.
- St. Augustine -
Starting in September, I will be leading Kundalini Yoga classes on Friday evenings at the Tai Chi studio on Boothman Drive, lower St. John Rd., St. Augustine and on Tuesday evenings at the Moksha Studio, 103 Tragarete Rd., Woodbrook.
Interested? Or know anyone who will be? The Thou Art YogaPASSPORT is the card I've designed to give you special pre-paid class rates and other benefits (of which there will be more to come in time).
One part of my decision to marry Tek Har (about whom you will read more below) was based on the premise that you must love yourself before another can love you. I took it a step further to the premise that I must marry myself before someone else can truly marry me. Do not take this literally. I am not talking about the societal norm of hetero-marriage and wearing a wedding dress in a church, etc. I am talking about the power of being committed to Truth in my Self and Love for my Self (both of which are a continually ongoing process)—to the extent that any Love Partner who enters my life can only reflect that—being that true and loving with/to herself and therefore with me.
Is this as easy as it sounds? I look at the above image (which was the photograph used on the wedding invitation) and I wonder ... who will be courageous enough to fill those empty footprints, to stand honestly, face to face, look me in the eye and truly say & mean: "I love you".
I am doing it for myself first. And when she comes, whoever she is, it will be clear.
ABOUT TEK HAR
Last year, just before my birthday in October, I wrote to write to the 3HO Foundation (Kundalini Yoga) and requested my spiritual name. I had never felt the urge to before, but somehow that day "it was time". One's spiritual name is worked out based on your given birth name and birth date numerology.
The spiritual name I was granted is Tek Har Kaur. The announcement came with a beautiful letter explaining the name's essence. In summary, it means 'the kind, creative, spiritually prosperous Princess/Lioness of God who feels supported by the power of the Divine.'
A spiritual name is a personal mantra, vibrating one's personal Truth.
The power of a Spiritual Name is that the more you speak and hear your name, the more it permeates into your being ... and the more you will experience its Nadh (inner sound current), bringing you into harmony with your destiny. (Excerpt from the letter I received with my name)
At the time of the "Oneness Celebration", I was not sure if, when or how I would transition into using the name Tek Har. It's quite a jump for people who've always known you to start calling you something else ... and it's not like I dislike the name Elspeth, so Tek Har was not necessarily for replacement purposes. The 'marrying' of Elspeth and Tek Har was my way of merging the essence & meaning of the name Tek Har with who Elspeth is. At the time, I thought that even if I never actually used the name Tek Har in public, the meaning would be honoured within me.
As time progressed, Tek Har emerged naturally and gradually, in her own way. Lately I have been using both Elspeth and Tek Har. Each name has a different energy. My Kundalini Yoga friends and associates refer to me as Tek Har and I love how it feels and sounds. Some other part of me is actually activated whenever that name is used. In association with any yoga-related activities, you may hear/see me referring to myself (or being referred to) as Tek Har. Everyone else knows me as Elspeth. Both are good because I am both. And, as I am seeing, they work together.
You will also be seeing more of THOU ART YOGA, my new enterprise. As you can tell from the name, it merges two major aspects of my life: yoga and art. Everything that I do now related to Kundalini Yoga and/or yoga-related art will come under the category of Thou Art Yoga.
Balandra—location of the three 3-week residential immersion sessions
Before we begin a Kundalini Yoga class or individual session, we tune in by chanting two mantras: ONG NAMO GURU DEV NAMO (I call on Infinite Creative Consciousness, I call on Divine Wisdom) - used to open our sacred channel and tune us to the frequency of our Inner Teacher, who guides us through the process.
This is followed by: AAD GURAY NAMEH JUGAAD GURAY NAMEH SAT GURAY NAMEH SIRI GURU DEVAY NAMEH (The Mangala Charn mantra which surrounds the magnetic field with a protective light). It means " I bow to the primal Guru (guiding consciousness who takes us to God-realization), I bow to the wisdom through the ages, I bow to the True Wisdom, I bow to the Great, Unseen Wisdom." Trinidad & Tobago's first ever Kundalini Yoga Teacher Certification course will be held here in Trinidad in 2011, led by Senior Trainers from the USA. This powerful immersion experience, which promises to be positively life-changing, is open to local, regional and international participants.
Please visit the blog for more information (http://kundaliniyogatt.blogspot.com/) and share the link with friends and associates who may be interested in deepening their general yoga practice, expanding their consciousness, increasing knowledge of Kundalini Yoga and/or becoming certified Kundalini Yoga teachers (IKYTA/KRI).
Only now, as I am writing this, do I realise that Camp Balandra (where the three 3-week Kundalini Yoga Teacher Certification residentials will take place) was also the location for the writers' retreat mentioned above.
Last night I had many intense dreams. In one of them, I was at the Queen's Park Savannah having a picnic with a friend. I can't remember now who she was, but in the dream we obviously knew each other well. We were sitting on the walkway, rather than on the grass, but no one was there walking. I was rolling around on my back, like dogs do when they're happy. At one point I rolled and my face met with the face of something looking like a large frog. Jumping up, I realised it was a large snake. I had never seen anything so huge. Its length stretched across most of the savannah.
Upon seeing me, it started to move slowly in our direction. I realised that despite its size and power, it was harmless and gentle. This being Trinidad, I knew that people would start chopping it and trying to kill it, so my first instinct was to protect it. To cut a long story short, a long line of people lifted it and were carrying it somewhere in the direction of the hospital. I went to its head, which was bleeding (I guess people had already started to attack it) and it rested against my chest, telling me something which I can't remember. That part of the dream ended there.
Dreaming such a large snake, I thought two things: 1. Kundalini 2. Those who play Play Whe would play Big Snake (also Dog and King) today and on Sunday 4 July. Why 4th July? Because a moko jumbie I met recently called to invite me and some friends to the Folk Fair on that date in the Queen's Park Savannah. There, the Prime Minister (Kamla) will unveil a massive pencil built by this moko jumbie. It is the longest pencil in the world and will go into the Guinness Book of World Records. (Long pencil ... savannah ... long snake). I feel this 4th of July will be a very important day on many levels.
In another part of the dream, I was visiting Chookooloonks in Texas. We were in a small, brightly-lit studio (lit by sun through the window), talking. At one point she offered me a drink and I chose herbal tea with one level teaspoon of brown sugar. Before she left, she mentioned a friend she had who is a hairdresser and who was there at the house. I asked her if he could give me a haircut and shave off all of my hair. She thought it was a great idea and returned with the tea, the friend and his machine to shave my hair.
In the time that they took to come, I made the decision to leave my hair long - remembering that hair is considered a great conductor of energy and also that "Kundalini" comes from the Sanskrit word Kundal - meaning "lock of hair from the Beloved". The awakening of Kundalini is the "uncoiling" of this hair, releasing the creative potential in each of us. In the dream I felt that cutting it would be cutting something that was coming into being on various levels.
As the friend of Chookooloonks walked in, from the look on his face I could tell his first thought: Why are you shaving off your hair? My first thought was that I knew he was gay even though he didn't "appear" so by societal standards.
I told him that I had decided to leave my hair long, but that I wanted to pay him anyway. I gave him two five dollar bills and told him: "Spend one to buy something special for yourself and one to buy something special for someone you are in love with - and share." As I said that, he looked at me and his face turned red, as though to ask: "How did you know that I had just met someone special?"
As simple as it was, I felt like what I had given him had opened a door to success in this new relationship. Maybe it is something to try. If there is someone new that you are interested in romantically, take two five dollar bills. With them, buy one special thing for yourself and one for the other and share.
I am Elspeth Duncan (Multimedia Artist): writer/columnist, musician, photographer, film maker, interactive conceptual artist, owner of 'Table for Two Made for You', Kundalini Yoga instructor living in Tobago. I create artistic works, productions and experiences to uplift, inspire, shift perspectives and raise awareness in Self and Others. Thank you for being here. Please use the links in the side bar to explore further.
Click here to e-mail me.
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