New Habits

Hugging an inukshuk at the TO airport
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The saying is: old habits die hard. But sometimes so do new ones - even ones that came into being in only two months.

It surprses me that since being back, simple things need to be relearned. It's taking me a while to remember how to use my cellular phone. I had grown accustomed to the different functions on the cellular I was using in Toronto. E.g. If sending a text from my TT cell phone now, the words end up with fullstops between them. That's.because.the.space.bar.on.the.TO.phone.was.#1.and. #1.on.the.TT.phone.is.for.punctuation.

The other day, going to flush the toilet, I automatically reached for the handle on the left side ... whereas on this toilet at home it's on the right. I've never observed this before, but it made me wonder: are toilet handles in Canada on the left and in TT on the right? Or, regardless of where you are, does it depend on the brand of toilet? Why would Canadians need to flush on the left and Trinis on the right anyway? Does it have to do with water going down a drain clockwise (right) in the southern hemispheres and counterclockwise (left) in norther hemispheres?

This morning, driving to buy fruit, I started pulling to the right as I approached the shop ... and found myself instinctively driving on the right side of the road. It felt natural. I realised this when the man in the car heading toward me slowed down and gave me that "whappen!" look. There came a point in TO when driving on the right no longer felt odd. It struck me one day when I was on a bus. It suddenly no longer felt strange to be turning a corner on the 'wrong' side. Even driving here now, I find myself still looking at the other side even though turning on the left. It's like living in two alternate dimensions at the same time.

As I entered the fruit & veg shop (my first time since being back), the shop owner came up to me with a huge smile: "Welcome back! And all in one piece!" He reached out to shake my hand, then pulled me to him and gave me a big hug.

A hand of bananas, an avocado, four ochroes and a chunk of watermelon came up to $51 (TT). That's roughly $9.20 CAD. It felt expensive. He told me the price of bananas went up while I was away.

When he was packing away my purchases, he reached for a plastic bag. I said "Don't worry, I have my bag." I had my green cloth bag which I used at the market and grocery in TO. "Five cents a plastic bag," I said.

He laughed and pointed northwards (meaning that's what they do there but not here).

"Well why don't you implement it in your shop?" I asked him. "Encourage people to use cloth bags by making them pay for plastic bags."

He smiled and shook his head. "They won't do it," he said. "And the plastic people will hunt us down and kill us for not using their plastic!"

Clearly he was joking ... but if in two months I can develop simple new habits and ways of operating, what's so hard about getting consumers to bring cloth bags when they do their shopping?

Salt and blue food colouring

Is it true?

This site (I used to believe: The Childhood Beliefs Site) is interesting. As the name suggests, it's a collection of things people used to believe when they were children.

Some beliefs are introduced to us through others (e.g. wish on a shooting star and your wish will come true) ... and some beliefs we come up with ourselves. Children trust and believe in simple things in a way that (most) adults don't. But just because (most) adults don't, does that mean that what the child believes at the point of believing is not 'true' to him or her? When and why do we stop believing in certain things? And how did we feel in that moment of 'realisation'?

I'm sure I believed all kinds of things when I was small, but off the top of my head I can recall very few now. For the few I remember, I see ways in which they still somehow apply to my view of life today.

1. If we plant coins and water them every day they will grow. Our parents used to tell us 'money doesn't grow on trees'. Not believing them/wanting to prove them wrong, I planted coins in the front garden with my sister Kathryn. We constantly watered our little spot. Weeds eventually grew, leading us to believe that our coins were germinating. Maybe at some point we showed our parents the money trees and they told us they were weeds. I no longer believe that watered coins will grow into money trees, but I believe that we can use certain 'ritualistic' acts to empower and encourage us ... and also that if we attend to our intentions or focus on our dreams, they will manifest in some way ... not always as we envision, but definitely along the lines of this process.

2. We have zips hidden in our hair. We can zip down the centre of the body and step out of our skin. I remember as a very young child standing in the kitchen one day looking for the zip in my hair. I think this came about from my fascination with what makes us work. What makes me move? What operates me? How come my legs move and carry me? I have no plug, no electricity and no buttons to press to make me move and walk and talk. Something must be inside of me making me 'work'. I no longer believe in 'the zip', but I see the 'skin' as a covering for the inner self/Spirit, which is 'working' us in an unseen way.

3. There is a button in the centre of the forehead which you press to make the person go to sleep. I have the clear memory of a day when I was about six. My sister Vanessa had just been born and I think I must have been fascinated by her. She, mummy and I were at home. I remember being in the kitchen with mummy, hearing the baby start to cry and going into my parents' room where she was lying in her crib. I remember standing and looking at her crying, being curious about her, seeing her face getting red ... then taking my finger and pressing it gently into the middle of her forehead like a button. She immediately stopped crying and fell asleep. In my memory it feels like a long time that I had been staring at her crying ... but it must have happened quickly, because I guess if she'd been crying for a long time mummy would have attended to her. I no longer believe that there is an actual button in the forehead, but I know that area now to be 'the third eye' and to this day I still see it as a relaxing point to press on myself or another ... and it works. Also, it's a point to focus on in meditation.

I remember once our parents promised we would go to the beach. That day there was a bad tropical storm. My two sisters and I were highly disappointed. Daddy filled up the bathtub, put some salt and blue food colouring in the water and we happily splashed in 'the sea' as the storm raged outside.

Now as I write this, I'm aware that having grown up with simple moments like that, in addition to having had childhood 'beliefs' (especially as I can still see some kind of sense in those I remember today) must have contributed to me being a natural optimist and one who believes in the simple magic of Life.

Being human, of course there are times when I feel disgruntled, discouraged, sad, scared, insecure, unable, unhappy, apathetic, etc ... but whenever storms rage within and around, there's always salt and blue food colouring.

YESterday ended up having a lot of "No's" in it as I decided, for various reasons, to not do certain things.

I would have said "No" to them/not done them anyway ... but having written all of those "Yesses" in the morning made me more aware of when I was saying "No" and why.

It made me more aware of the Power of Now (... minus that last "w") to make the Power of Yes more impacting.

"No" was the cutlass, cutting away bushes and weeds, clearing new paths and space for blooming "Yes" flowers.

Sometimes I may not know what I want ... but I know what I don't want.

As Henry Kissinger said: "The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously."

Might apply to you

Source of map
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If you're from any one of these countries highlighted in yellow (Commonwealth) then this may be of interest to you.

(Trinidad & Tobago and other islands are there, but are too small on this map to be seen easily).

It so happens that I have two maps one day after the next on my blog. As I wrote in a comment on yesterday's post ... (I don't know if anyone picked up on it) ... I had altered the map I included there yesterday. By being denied a visa, that entire landmass on this one globe of ours is currently inaccessible to me and therefore does not exist ... at least as far as going there stands.

The irony is that it exists in my life in so many other ways ... whether I can go there or not and whether I like it or not.

The landmass I cannot currently go to is all over my radio, all over my TV, all over my computer screen/internet, all over my e-mail (friends who live there), all over products I may buy, use or consume, all over my country (clothing, attitudes, US companies/businesses, even accents!! Trinis - e.g. our local radio announcers - talk in American accents when on air and slip back into Trini when off) ...

It is everywhere around me/US (pun intended).

Ironic that the very initials are US, yet in many ways it chooses to be so exclusive and excluding. In my vocabulary the word 'US' is embracing, warm, inclusive.

Yesterday I was one of a few in a creative meeting with two women who have come down from New York ... to explore/discuss possible future work and development of creative content and programming. Normally this would not strike me, but as I drove to the meeting ... I thought "Wow. Coming into 'my' country without needing a visa and, more so, to explore work-related issues" ... (something that most 'visa' people don't want foreigners to do in their country).

This whole visa thing has stirred up many thoughts and feelings in me. (Thoughts and feelings which extend beyond "the visa" - so it's not like I'm going on about "not getting the visa". That's not the point any more). Since childhood, something that has always been a personal subject of contemplation and inner exploration for me (on many levels and in many areas) has been the sense of belonging ... the question of where I 'belong', where I 'fit' - personally, geographically, creatively, lifestyle ... the list goes on. It's not easy to explain ... and maybe I don't have to.

But ... in time to come, it is something I will explore - and may share (or not) - since it's on my mind.

Three things about three things ...

You can just barely see them on the wall: three rainbows created by the crystal at the window
(Photo courtesy iPhoto)

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Three things I've been thinking about (lots of time to be pensive these days) ...
1. Every experience in life shows us new things (... but do we always see them?) This experience has shown me/is showing me more about Love, Friendship and People - myself included.

2. Blogging ... What is it for and why do I do it? Before I started blogging, I didn't even know what a blog was. When I found out I was baffled as to why people wrote about themselves and their lives and showed their photos to the public. It seemed so inane. Now here I am doing it. My blog has gone from being quite abstract (to the extent that I didn't even use the name 'Elspeth' - I just went as 'Happy Hippy') ... to creative/semi-personal ("My Creative Portal", I used to call it) ... and now it seems to be a combo of abstract, creative and personal, but starting to lean more to the personal side ... maybe. Will I continue 'for ever'? Will it evolve into something else? One day will I lose interest and stop completely?

3. In addition to feeling and having Love, to heal quickly, one needs something(s) to look forward to ... something(s) to stretch toward.

Three things I'm looking forward to:
1. It's currently under my bed. It arrived from Toronto a few days before I went for the op, so I haven't fully had the chance to use it. Am excited to be up and about again so I can.
2. A date later in February.
3. Getting out and about with Synchronicity (my camera) - both business and pleasure.

Three favourite things that happened yesterday:
1. The couriers brought the LCD protector I'd ordered for Synchronicity
2. Surprise phone call from my friend Tamara in Toronto
3. My friend Nisha came over and dropped off a bar of Fearless raw organic chocolate and a mixed yoga CD (both sent by another friend, Rosanna) ... along with a few little gifts of her (Nish) own - magnetic book (for the fridge) and some pens.