Friday, September 17, 2010

Release & Embrace

Those who follow this blog know how I love Toronto—being there, the energy, my friends, the way I feel, the fortuitous events.

This year there were a few times when I could have gone to (or was planning on going to) TO but did not—either because various factors did not allow or the course of action or opportunity was changed for whatever reason(s).

It was as though, each time, something was saying "Not now" or "Not this way". Each time I let go of the potential opportunity to be in or connect more deeply with Toronto, I felt deep sadness. It was as though I was turning a Beloved away. My heart feels an inexplicably strong pull to Toronto. I don't know why or what is there that is so magnetic for my Soul. I have not felt this for anywhere else.

For my upcoming birthday (October 7th), which is also the first anniversary of the Oneness Celebration and which, this year, falls on a Super New Moon, I felt that I would have to do something really special to celebrate. When I asked myself what that really special thing was, the first thing that came to mind was "Toronto!" Just being there on Thursday 7 October would have been celebration enough. My heart leaped, my cells buzzed and came alive at the thought. My air miles were enough for a one way ticket. But to fund the rest of my trip I would have to dip into money I had put aside (specifically for something else, also important). My friends (those I told) were excited to hear that I was thinking of coming for a week.

I deliberated over the financial aspect, then decided that such a birthday only happens once and that I will always make more money. Then, as the Universe would have it, Pippa damaged her leg ... and the day I was going to book my ticket was the day she had her x-rays and I found out she would have to have surgery followed by 8 weeks confinement until the leg heals. Due to this unexpected development, I decided to not book the ticket to Toronto.

I asked myself: What is it really about this place that pulls me? What if it's nostalgia? What if it's an illusion? Flights of fancy not grounded in reality? Then again, what if what I feel is all true and Toronto is the place for me? Whatever it is ... I have decided to let go of my desire for that one place and open myself to the world ... not only the larger world, but the immediate world around me in Trinidad, since this is where I am now. For a long time I have "preferred" Toronto above all other destinations, including the place where I am now. Nothing wrong with loving TO ... but, despite Trinidad's limitations and frustrations, there is magic and specialness here too. In fact, wherever I go, there is magic and specialness, because those things are in me.

If Toronto is for me, the perfect time will come, I will know it clearly, without doubt or hesitation, and everything will flow magnificently.

If somewhere else is for me, then that place will call me, the energy will flow and the purpose will be crystal clear.

Interestingly, while writing this post, I clicked away to read The Daily Love. The extract I've copied in bold below is the part that resonates with me.

(Extract from The Daily Love):

Sometimes the Uni-verse will ask you to let go of the things you cherish most, not to punish you, but because there is something even better for you on the horizon.

Each situation and relationship prepares you for the next phase of life. Recognize when a new phase has arrived.

You can get stuck holding on to things that used to make you happy, but now no longer serve you. Don't go there.

If you knew the bliss and HUGE life that awaits you on the other side of letting go, you will just relax and enjoy the ride.


Afrodeity said...

On my way to work this morning, before I read this post, I had the following thought "things and people enter and leave your life exactly when and how they're supposed to". I don't know what triggered the thought. Sometimes these thoughts just come, whole and seemingly unrelated to anything. Or maybe it was the loss of my laptop last weekend still lingering in my sub-conscious. Your post was like an affirmation, reminding me of this thought which I'd almost ignored at the time. Thanks.

Lynn Cohen said...

I love the line about the specialness being inside of you.
So true. Who wrote the song Love the one your with? Love the place you are in. Same thing.You ARE THERE! Hearts to you. Oh, I am looking out the window and a big red tree in the neighbors back yard looks like a big red heart...I kid you not! Where's my camera?

Elspeth said...

That's great, Afrodeity. Lyn, I believe you about the heart.

Karen said...

i love this quote, thanks for sharing.


i guess this means all means that i'll be coming to trinidad for real! i'll have to find kaspar & make a plan for us toronto-ites to get over to t&t.


Elspeth said...

Doesn't mean I'll NEVER come back to TO!!!! God forbid. But just not now, apparently. But yes, you Toronto-ites must come.

meadysmusings said...

I so know what you mean! :) And it's funny not reading this blog before just now...I've independently been reflecting on something in my life over the last many yrs and comparing and contrasting it with something that I'm linked to now in the last few yrs...but the shoe is on the other foot...and it was the same point of we really love a place or a location or is it we convince ourselves because...hmmm...and in reality love is everywhere! :)